The act itself isn’t that moronic. After all, this was just a preseason game, and we’ll never know how many hundreds, if not thousands of athletes have faked injury for one reason or another. (How about going down on the football field to save a timeout or slow down the game?) The problem here is that Arenas didn’t hesitate to explain what he did. Why not? Because he’s a pathetic attention-seeker.

Nobody had to know what Arenas did. He volunteered the information. A “normal” athlete with a similar scheme is most likely out to protect either himself or the team. Either way, it’s rare we find that out. What good does it do them? Using Arenas’ twisted logic, it seems to be a good thing whenever he gets people to talk about him.

Remember when, after the locker room incident, Arenas pretended to shoot his teammates with guns made from his fingers during pre-game introductions? He probably didn’t expect David Stern to crack down on him for it, but he had to know people would be talking about what he did.

Then there was that $1 million birthday party that Arenas threw a few years back…for himself. Dubbed “Arenas Express”, the bash included a huge ice sculpture of the birthday boy himself for over 7,500 guests to marvel at. Surprisingly, however, Arenas did not host the event. That honor went to P Diddy.

How about when Arenas stated that he refused to write anything on his new Twitter account until he had one million followers? Well, that didn’t last. Nowhere near his goal, and a few hours before the ball dropped on New Year’s Eve, Arenas tweeted: “i know i said i wouldnt text til i get a mil..but s–t this is takin 4ever … Happy New Years … ps who do i hav 2 sleep with 2 get a mil.”

Was it a coincidence that Arenas started tweeting just as news of his gun incident was breaking? Perhaps he felt the need to express himself and reach out to the public as accusations were being thrown at him. Perhaps he just couldn’t wait any longer to share his goofy personality with his adoring fans. Either way, he got their attention.

Days after the gun incident, Arenas tried to justify himself, insisting the incident was a joke that he played on teammate Javaris Crittenton because he is a “goof ball.” He wrote on Twitter, “why do people try to make me look bad…I CAN DO THAT ALL BY MY SELF.” Good point.

This is why we should never trust any athlete when they deny the use of the juice. After Floyd Landis “won” the 2006 Tour de France, he was stripped of his title for using performance-enhancing drugs. What followed was a 320-page book, “Positively False: The Real Story of How I Won the Tour de France.” Obviously, we now know this was a true work of fiction.

No, this was not an autobiography. The sole purpose of the work was to declare Landis’ innocence. The cheater did not exactly write this book by himself, either. Enter Loren Mooney, the “ghotswriter”, a.k.a. the real author. Sure, she got paid. Still, you have to feel bad for a woman who spent months gathering information and being lied to in her efforts to tell Landis’ fabricated side of the story. While she did no wrong, she must feel like an idiot for devoting so much time to a total farce.

If Landis had come clean immediately after being accused back in 2006, maybe it would have been more acceptable for him to name the other cyclists who he knew were dirty. Now, however, is the time that he has chosen to throw Lance Armstrong and others under the bus. That’s pathetic. Who cares if he’s right?

You cannot blatantly lie to the public, stand by your story and convince someone to write an entire book about it, and then do a 180 and pretend you care about the integrity of the sport. Actually, Landis probably couldn’t care less about integrity. He’s just trying to divert attention away from himself. That is even sleazier.

Speaking of sleazy, Jose Canseco’s book, “Juiced” has been a major source of controversy in Major League Baseball. However, Mr. Canseco’s story has not turned out to be a work of fiction by any means. In fact, as more users are coming out, Canseco seems to have been right on in terms of who he accused of juicing.

Sure, Canseco’s intentions behind writing his book may be solely monetary. He may even be as deplorable as Landis. However, Canseco didn’t hide behind his steroid use and write a book to deny it before he called out fellow users. Seriously, Floyd, we all now know what a bonehead you are. But you at least could have prevented some of that by learning a little thing called “jerk etiquette”. It’s an athlete’s best friend.

The Russian billionaire has declared that, “If everything goes as planned, I expect us to be in the playoffs next season … and (win a) championship in one year minimum and maximum in five years.”

How will the Nets get the marquee free agents this offseason? “The excitement is with the Nets. We will have a desire to win that is unmatched anywhere in the league. This will be a first-class organization with all the support it needs…I can convince the very best of the best that the Nets are the place they want to be.”

In the late 1990′s SLAM Magazine proclaimed, “Champs by 2001. Count on it.” That was when the Nets were actually decent. Still, the prediction went horribly wrong. Keith Van Horn got worse each year, Sam Cassell was traded for Stephon Marbury, and Jayson Williams traded an NBA career for a jail sentence.

The point is that the Nets are the Nets. Aside from the Jason Kidd era, what has gone right? Even when things were looking up and Keith Van Horn was the savior, they collapsed. Now? Things can’t look any worse, and Prokhorov is insisting everything is looking rosy.

Where do you begin with this one? ”We will have a desire to win that is unmatched anywhere in the league.” Alright, Prokhorov, tell that to the fans after you traded Vince Carter and Ryan Anderson for Courtney Lee. It wasn’t your team then, but you’re still going to have to answer those questions.

“This will be a first-class organization with all the support it needs.”  Right…Where exactly are all those fans, again? You had the worst attendance in the league last year, under 70% capacity per game. Well, there’s a perfect explanation- you only won 12 games. So, winning a title next year would probably solve that problem, right?

Sure, the Nets have plenty of cap space. So do a lot of other teams. Is one crazy Russian guy enough to reel in LeBron James? Oh yeah, LeBron and Jay-Z, part-owner of the Nets, are tight, so that should seal the deal. Come on. All the Nets have to offer in terms of talent is Brook Lopez and hopefully the #1 pick.

Let’s go way back to 1996, when the Nets were all set to draft Kobe Bryant #8 overall. Kobe and his agent, however, had other ideas. They scoffed at the idea of playing ball in the swamps of Jersey, and scared the Nets into selecting Kerry Kittles. Fast forward fourteen years. The Nets are coming off one of the worst seasons in NBA history, have lost most of what little fan support they had to begin with, and don’t have a real home. Newark? Brooklyn? East Rutherford? What do you think Kobe would have done back in ’96 if the Nets looked the way they do now? He probably would’ve retired if the Nets selected him.

So, yeah, forget all that. Put your money on the Nets winning the title in the next five years…at least you’ll get some decent odds- and a nice “Thank you” from your bookie.

The internet rumor mill is telling us that Gloria James is having an affair with Delonte West, LeBron’s friend and teammate. LeBron supposedly found out about this prior to the Cavs’ Game 4 against the Celtics. They went on to lose three games in a row, and the series. Coincidence? Well, probably. But let’s just say it’s not. It’s more fun that way.

Imagine LeBron leaves because he doesn’t think Cleveland has the pieces to win a title. Why does he think that? Because the Cavs went down in the second round, losing four of five games to the Celtics after winning Game 1. Why did the Cavs lose? Because LeBron’s focus shifted after the first few games when he learned Delonte West was sleeping with his mom. Therefore, by the transitive property, Delonte West is soon to become the most hated man in Cleveland.

Alright, now for a more realistic analysis. Let’s see… What could really make LeBron want to go elsewhere? Well, for one, his supporting cast let him down once again in the postseason. Antawn Jamison was terrible at the end of the Cavs-Celtics series. Mo Williams is all over the place. Shaquille O’Neal is useless. The Cavs didn’t have to win the title, but the fact that they went down much sooner than expected makes it seem like there’s a long way to go. As far as the appeal of the city itself, Joakim Noah said it best: “What’s so good about Cleveland?”

The city should probably be panicking right now. It must have been strange for Knicks fans rooting on the Celtics, but Boston did everything they could to help out New York. President Obama, meanwhile, has made it no secret that wants LeBron in a Bulls uniform. Ahh, July 1 cannot get here soon enough.

Guerdwich Montimere, you’ve been busted. The 22-year-old who led Permian High School to the state playoffs last season in basketball was posing as a 16-year-old named Jerry Joseph. He enrolled at Permian for the 2009-10 school year. If that’s not bad enough, Montimere also presented himself as homeless, and was taken in by the school’s basketball coach, Danny Wright, last summer.

Police say that Montimere is a naturalized U.S. citizen from Haiti. His cover was blown when he was recognized last month at an amateur tournament by Florida coaches as having been a star high school player in Fort Lauderdale a few years back.

Hold on a second. A star high school player? And you don’t think that anybody will ever figure out you’re not six years older than you claim to be?

Let’s go back to Danny Almonte. The phenom pitcher who led his Bronx team to a third-place finish in the 2001 Little League World Series was revealed to have actually been two years too old to play. The kid was really 14, not 12. It’s hard to blame someone of that age for that whole mess. After all, Almonte didn’t falsify his own birth certificate. (Well, if he did, that’s pretty impressive. Bust that’s beside the point.) He was also cleared afterward of any wrongdoing. Mr. Montimere is obviously not a child, and will be held responsible for actions. If convicted of the misdemeanor, he could face up to six months in jail.

Here’s another thing to look at. Put aside any questions of morality. If your goal is to deceive other people to enhance your athletic career, it makes much more sense for someone who doesn’t have much of a career to speak of to do so. Even after the suspicion surrounding his age began, Almonte still made it all the way through the Little League World Series before being caught. The artist formerly known as Jerry Joseph was outed after a few coaches recognized him. That’s all it took! Why? Because he played high school basketball at a high level a few years earlier!

In this day in age when kids in elementary school are being hounded by college programs, there isn’t much that slips through the cracks. Obviously, Montimere wasn’t highly recruited (thus the bright idea to go back and play high school ball again). Still, he was out there. People saw him play.

Guerdwich Montimere will be a forgotten man soon enough. His little story will go away and his fifteen minutes of fame, or infamy, will expire. Ah, if only he could’ve emulated the elder Almonte and started his career after he knew he could beat up on younger competition. Wait…The elder Almonte? That’s right- Danny Almonte, now 23 years of age, is older than Guerdwich Montimere. Can you believe that? No, really, can you?

The word on the street is that Ken Griffey Jr. missed a chance to enter a game as a pinch hitter last week because he was asleep in the clubhouse. As an unnamed teammate claims, Junior has had trouble getting sleep at home. ”He was asleep in the clubhouse… He’d gone back about the fifth inning to get a jacket and didn’t come back. I went back in about the seventh inning — and he was in his chair, sound asleep.”

Fortunately for Griffey, nobody has concrete proof. The same cannot be said for Keith Hernandez. He took a self-described “cat nap” during the extra innings of Saturday’s Mets win over the Giants.

Wake up, Keith! How else are we going to be informed of any women in the dugout who don’t belong there?

It’s bittersweet for Braden, however, who lost his mom, Jodie Atwood, to skin cancer when he was a high school senior. Braden did have his grandmother, Peggy Lindsey, cheering him on… and speaking her mind. Her thoughts on Braden’s perfection? “Stick it, A-Rod.” Simply remarkable.

After being chastised by the A’s lefty for walking over the pitcher’s mound in mid-April, Rodriguez said, “I’d never quite heard that. Especially from a guy that has a handful of wins in his career … I thought it was pretty funny actually.”

Dallas Braden may still be in the teens in terms of career wins, but at least he can say that, if only for a day, he was perfect. After all, putting “perfect” and “Alex Rodriguez” in the same sentence is laughable.

“The Round Rock Express have acquired Billy Ray “Rojo” Johnson. The right-handed pitcher will be in uniform for Thursday’s 7:05 p.m. CDT game against the Nashville Sounds.

“Johnson, who was born in East Texas but was raised in Venezuela, recently had his prison sentence commuted. He served time for running a smuggling ring that imported rare and illegal species of reptiles into the United States from South America during the mid-to-late 1990s. Thursday night’s game marks Johnson’s first in American professional baseball after a storied career in the Venezuelan leagues.”

If only Bill Veeck was around to see this…

As an aside, Casey Daigle, one of the real Round Rock pitchers, is married to softball star Jennie Finch. Not only would Jennie be a better pitching option than Rojo, but more importantly, she’s a little easier on the eyes. Get your act together, Express…

In the last couple of months, what other $25,000 fines have we seen in the NBA?

-March 27: Caron Butler uses inappropriate language directed at fans

-April 2: Kevin Garnett criticizes the referees and uses inappropriate langauge

-April 18: Quentin Richardson instigates a confrontation with Kevin Garnett, which leads to Garnett throwing an elbow and being suspended one game

It’s interesting that three of the four incidents mentioned have involved the Celtics, but that’s besides the point.

WILL SOME ONE PLEASE STAB PAUL PIERCE? Sorry, that was uncalled for, but the thought of Celtics’ thuggery brings to mind this classic sign. The captured moment (from New Jersey’s playoff series with Boston in 2002) is just too good to waste, especially on a site like this. In case you’re curious, the man behind the sign is Chris Nieratko. Yes, he does have a website. Browse at your own risk.

Also, just for the record, please, don’t anybody stab Mr. Pierce. We don’t condone that.

Let’s get back to this Ainge thing, now. Yes, he’s the President of Basketball Operations for Boston, and he admitted he was being unprofessional. But all he did was toss a plain white object into the air!

This guy will never be mistaken for Mark Cuban. Even so, LeBron James likes Mark Cuban. Said the King: ”A GM or an owner like Mark Cuban…M.J…. They put the team together and they can have as much fun as they want to. I think it’s cool. I mean, why not?”

If, on the other hand, Mr. Ainge wrote something on his rather large white towel that read: “LEBRON: IS YOUR MOM A PROSTITUTE?”, perhaps the league would have a more legitimate beef.

Don’t believe us? Check out DraftExpress.com’s Early Entrant List. There he is…right underneath Samardo Samuels of Louisville and Larry Sanders of VCU. He’s also the subject of a Yahoo Sports article. Simply a genius move, Mr. Sloan, whoever you are.

Sloan decided to work next year to pay for pharmacy school, and not play basketball as a senior. After joking with his friends about entering the NBA Draft, he has made the silly thought a reality. He figured out what to do, who to call, and how to get in. Aaaand here he is.

There must be plenty of attention-seeking idiots who try to get their names on the list of NBA hopefuls every year. Even if Sloan is one of them, his case is harder to repudiate. After all, this guy did play college ball,  and he was a contributing member of the team, however minimal. Perhaps the NBA will have to reconsider things for next year. In the meantime, however, Sloan has found himself in the national news.

The kid has no doubt made the most of his otherwise-uneventful basketball career. Even if this story dies tomorrow and he gets removed from the list of early entrants, he got people to notice him. That certainly wouldn’t have happened if he let his playing do all the talking. Stay in that spotlight as long as you can, Sloan!

“I’m pretty much counting on one of these big owners with a late second-round pick having a real big night partying the night before the draft and being like, ‘Let’s blow everybody’s mind and draft that Sloan kid,’” he explained. “I think my best shot is that Russian billionaire with the Nets. They’ve got the first pick in the second round, but maybe they’ll trade down. They can get me and a pick next year.”

Alright Sloan, hopefully that wasn’t even semi-serious. Still, we like your thinking and your smart-aleck attitude. While an NBA team may never have a home for you, you will always have a soft spot in the hearts of the You Got Schooled faithful. In the grand scheme of things, isn’t that all that really matters?