The Night We Bore Quitness

‘Twas the night we bore Quitness, 2010.

A big night for Greenwich on ESPN.

Hoops fans worldwide all knelt down in prayer

In hopes that a special King soon would be theirs.

The children are seated, three rows on each side

As Jim Gray calls forth the man soon to decide.

A pink and white dress shirt and a lump in his throat,

The beard that he sports makes him look like a goat.

They waste lots of time, televise mindless chatter,

‘Til it’s time to get down to the heart of the matter.

Palms covered in sweat, hearts beat ever fast.

“LeBron, what’s your decision?” Finally, at long last.

The camera zooms in to an insecure face

That painfully announces which team won the race.

He says, “This is tough”… His verdict within reach!

“This fall I’m gonna take my talents to South Beach.”

One statement has just changed the course of pro sports.

One statement diminishes all the support.

Cavalier fans revolt, all one and the same

Who rage in the streets, burn jerseys, scream names.

“You traitor! You coward! You ring-chasing joke!

You’re Selfish! A Quitter! In Miami you’ll choke!

Once you leave this city, don’t ever come back!

You’re dead now to Cleveland, you ungrateful sack!”

The man in charge even had something to say.

Mr. Gilbert went off in a “comic” display.

His letter to fans received countless reactions.

But LeBron is no runaway slave, Jesse Jackson.

To no one’s surprise, hometown onslaughts pervade

As James moves down south to join Bosh and D.Wade.

His entrance is met there with nothing but glee.

An arena-sized welcome greets its new Big Three.

Let the countdown begin for the upcoming season.

They say winning 70 is within reason.

“Yes. We. Did.”, read posters held up by the fans.

But first we should let the Witness take the stand.

The opener in Boston just can’t get here soon enough.

Little does LeBron know, things will start out very rough.

Forget about the booing and the villain role to play.

The team itself will struggle and need time to find its way.

A month through the schedule comes the Cleveland return.

The decision plays back for all those whom he spurned.

The Quitness, the Lyin’ King, all were betrayed.

The mere sight of him irks the 20,000 paid.

It says “Heat” on his jersey, “6” on front and back,

Red and orange on the sides and a headband in black.

He walks to the table and powders his hands,

Raises up to the sky and hears boos in the stands.

With 38 points, LeBron puts on a show

As the Heat win the third of twelve games in a row.

He says thank you to fans for the “seven great years.”

No apology offered, the King disappears.

Like the Grinch who Stole Christmas, LeBron took their joy.

But the faithful in Cleveland still have their own ploy.

The decision long over, Mr. Gilbert still fights.

“We’ll win a title before you, and all will be right!”

The internet rumor mill is telling us that Gloria James is having an affair with Delonte West, LeBron’s friend and teammate. LeBron supposedly found out about this prior to the Cavs’ Game 4 against the Celtics. They went on to lose three games in a row, and the series. Coincidence? Well, probably. But let’s just say it’s not. It’s more fun that way.

Imagine LeBron leaves because he doesn’t think Cleveland has the pieces to win a title. Why does he think that? Because the Cavs went down in the second round, losing four of five games to the Celtics after winning Game 1. Why did the Cavs lose? Because LeBron’s focus shifted after the first few games when he learned Delonte West was sleeping with his mom. Therefore, by the transitive property, Delonte West is soon to become the most hated man in Cleveland.

Alright, now for a more realistic analysis. Let’s see… What could really make LeBron want to go elsewhere? Well, for one, his supporting cast let him down once again in the postseason. Antawn Jamison was terrible at the end of the Cavs-Celtics series. Mo Williams is all over the place. Shaquille O’Neal is useless. The Cavs didn’t have to win the title, but the fact that they went down much sooner than expected makes it seem like there’s a long way to go. As far as the appeal of the city itself, Joakim Noah said it best: “What’s so good about Cleveland?”

The city should probably be panicking right now. It must have been strange for Knicks fans rooting on the Celtics, but Boston did everything they could to help out New York. President Obama, meanwhile, has made it no secret that wants LeBron in a Bulls uniform. Ahh, July 1 cannot get here soon enough.

Attaboy Joakim. First, when asked about his off-day before Game 2 against the Cavs, he said, “I don’t know about Cleveland, man, there is nothing going on. It’s bad, man.”

So, will that motivate you more in the series? “What, that Cleveland really sucks?” Noah said.

When asked again about the city at the press conference following Chicago’s loss to the Cavs, Noah did not back down. That, boys and girls, is how you do it. Stick to your original statement, and tell us how you really feel.

Oh, but wait… there’s more. Noah also has an opinion on Kevin Garnett: “I’m going to say it: He’s a dirty player. He’s always swinging elbows, man. I’m hurting right now because of an elbow he threw (last week). It’s unbelievable. It’s one thing to be competitive and compete. But don’t be a dirty player man.”
 
The legend keeps growing for KG. First he was dubbed “the actress” (thank you Quentin Richardson), and now he’s graduated to dirty actress. Maybe they should just call him Lindsay Lohan.